


Monsters and Mana

by 80sGayTrashGoblin



Series: Goblin's DotU Verse [9]
Category: Voltron: Lion Force (1984)
Genre: Characters Play Dungeons & Dragons, Crack, Gen, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Monsters & Mana (Voltron), Non-Graphic Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-06-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 06:00:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24429874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/80sGayTrashGoblin/pseuds/80sGayTrashGoblin
Summary: The gang plays Monsters and Mana, and the author pretends she's not ripping off Dungeons and Dragons.
Series: Goblin's DotU Verse [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2166207
Kudos: 4





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> When I put up 'Chillin'' on Tumblr, someone mentioned wanting to see the game, so I delivered. 
> 
> And yes, there will be a part two <3.

Sven’s face flickered on the screen, where he was projecting from his hospital room on Ebb. His doctor approved him to run the game every Saturday, so after some convincing on Coran’s part, they sat around the lounge table with their dice and character cards. 

“Alright, before we start, everyone go around and say who your characters are real quickly.” Sven spoke up, after all introductions were made. 

“I’m Maxi, an elven shapeshifter.” Allura said, rolling a handful of dice in her hand. 

“I’m Gremlin, a goblin alchemist.” Pidge grinned. 

“That fucking figures.” Lance snorted. “Anyways, I’m a tabaxi archer named Smokey.” 

Hunk snickered. “Furry.” 

“Shut up!” Lance pushed him over. “I bet you’re not any better!” 

Hunk rolled his eyes. “Well, I’m a halfling barbarian named Biggs.” 

Keith giggled while Lance rolled his eyes. “Well, I’m Draxis, a tiefling sorcerer who is pretending to be a human wizard named Dean.” 

“Of course Keith was the one who went with a complicated backstory.” Hunk rolled his eyes, playfully punching his shoulder. “We’re all out here with half-assed characters, and this dipshit has created a full on backstory and motivations over here.” 

Keith rolled his eyes. “Your character is just a gag.” 

Sven cleared his throat. “Let’s get started.” 

* * *

Our heroes are in the town of Tonder, known for agriculture and cattle, but they were arrested. They’re in a large cell with a few cots, and there’s one guard sitting at a table on the other side of the bars.

“So,” the elf, named Maxi, spoke up. “Why are you all in here?” 

“I was the one who blew up the market stall in town square.” The goblin, Gremlin, grinned.

“I got in a fight with the cat.” The short but beefy halfling responded, pointing his thumb at the tabaxi.sitting next to him. 

Smokey snorted, his tail flicking in the direction of Biggs. “Just because you can’t handle short jokes doesn’t mean I should be arrested for it.” 

“You little-” Biggs was interrupted by the guard banging on the bars. “Shut up!” 

“What about you?” The wizard, Dean, asked.

“Well, I was smoking some Barbs...” 

“So, drug use, got it.” 

“No, there’s more to it. You know the bear that appeared in the middle of town...” 

“Yeah?” 

“That was me.” 

“You can turn into a bear!” Gremlin shouted, his eyes wide. “That’s awesome!” 

“Why are you here, anyways?” Maxi asked Dean. He just shrugged.

“I tried to rob him and his hands set themselves on fire.” Smokey’s tail flicked again, pointing at the wizard. Dean just leveled a glare at him. 

Biggs groaned, leaning back. “What are we going to do to get out of here?”

* * *

“I’m an alchemist.” Pidge spoke up, looking through his skills. “Can I look around to see if I can use anything in the cell to make a bomb?” 

“Make an Investigation check.” Sven nodded.

Pidge rolled the d20 in his hand. “That’s a natural 20! It’s a 24, baby.” 

“You find all the ingredients you need.” 

“Great. Then I’m going to make a bomb.” 

“Roll a d20.” 

Pidge rolled the d20 again. “15.” 

“The bomb isn’t pretty, but you’ve got a working bomb.” 

Pidge grinned. “Gremlin has his bomb, so he’s gonna say ‘Everyone move out of the way.’ and fucking chuck it.” 

“Yeah, we’re all moving.” Allura muttered.

“Pidge, give me a Dexterity check.” 

Pidge rolled the d20 again. “That’s a 3.” 

Everyone laughed. “We’re all going to die!” Hunk laughed, dramatically flopping backwards. 

“Everyone take a d6 of damage.” Sven chuckled. “And roll initiative. You’ve gotta fight the guard...”


	2. Chapter 2

Everyone grabbed their dice, rolling them on the table. “That’s a nine.” “Shit, an eight.” “A seventeen fuckers.” “A thirteen?” “A ten.” 

Sven looked at everyone, then nodded to himself, writing something down. “So, first is Pidge, then Allura, then Lance, then Hunk, then Keith, then the guard.” 

“Speaking of which, what do we have on us?” Keith asked. 

“They took your pack and your weapons. Anything you would keep on your person you have.” 

“So, I have the small knife on me?” Pidge asked. “They took the dagger, but I still have my knife, right?” 

“Yes.” 

“Cool.” Pidge grabbed his dice. “Then I’ll run to the guard and stab him.” 

“Roll to hit then.” 

“Hah! Nat twenty!”

“Oh no. Roll for damage, treat it like a dagger.” 

“Four, but a crit is doubled, so eight. Final total is twelve.” 

“Damn. Anything else?” 

“I’m going to do Hide as a free action.” 

“Roll your stealth.” 

“That’s a twenty one.” 

_The grenade in Gremlin’s hands slipped out of his hands, exploding and pushing the group backwards. Dean’s head smacked against the cell wall, but Gremlin recovered quickly._

_He grinned, leaping up and pulling a knife out of his boot. He ran at the guard and shoved it in between the guard’s shoulder blades, then rolling behind a cabinet and out of sight._

“Alright Allura, what are you going to do?” 

“I’m gonna turn into a bear and attack the guard!” 

“Alright. Roll to hit.” 

“Eighteen for the bite, twenty two for the claws.” 

“I’m starting to think I underpowered the guard. Both hit, roll for damage.” 

“Five from the bite, twelve from the claws.” 

“Shit, you killed him.” 

_Maxi shook herself out, her grin turning into a snarl as she turned into a brown bear. She growled, running forward and sinking her teeth into the guard’s arm. She flung him against the walls, leaning back on her hind legs and mauling the guard with her claws._

Sven casually rolled a dice behind the screen, before saying “Everyone make perception checks.” 

“Uh oh.” “Twenty one.” “Also twenty one.” “Holy shit Pidge, how do you keep rolling so high? Also five.” “Wow Hunk, you can’t see shit. Oh shit, that’s a ten.” “It’s a twelve from me.” 

“Alright. Keith and Pidge, you hear from upstairs that there are guards moving to your location.” 

“Well, shit.” 

“Guys,” Pidge grinned. “I have the best idea.” 

_Gremlin snuck out from behind the cabinet as everyone grabbed their stuff from the lockers. Dean hitched Maxi’s pouch onto his belt next to his own. He heard the thundering of boots above, and groaned internally._

_“Guys, we have a problem.” Dean said, pointing his thumb upstairs. “We’ll have company soon.”_

_“I have an idea!” Gremlin grinned, pulling out an explosive and walking over to Maxi. “May I?”_

_Bear-Maxi tilted her head, but lowered herself to the ground. Gremlin hopped onto her back, pulling out another explosive in his other hand with a grin. “We’ll lead the charge!”_

_The others looked at each other, then followed the bear and the goblin up the stairs._

Everyone broke out in laughter. “Alright, alright,” Sven said through laughter. “Allura, Pidge, when you two get upstairs, you see three guards near a table with swords, another guard near the door with a sword, and a guard near the kitchen with a sword. You two have the surprise round right now, what are you going to do?” 

“I’m just going to stop in place.” Allura waved her hand at Pidge. “As long as this fucker doesn’t drop his bomb like he did in the jail cell, I’ll be fine.” 

Pidge grinned. “I’m going to chuck a bomb at the group near the table and one in the kitchen.” 

“Roll separate dexterity checks for both bombs.” 

“That’s a twenty three and that’s a nat one.” 

“Great. Roll for both bombs.” 

“The first one is twelve, the second is six.” 

“Allura, Pidge, take six points of damage.” 

“Pidge, what did I just fucking say.” 

_The bear rumbled up the stairs, and Gremlin grinned, preparing his bombs. As soon as they burst through the door, sending splinters everywhere, he took in his surroundings. Three guards by a card table, one guard by the door, and one guard in the kitchen. Perfect._

_He pitched one bomb perfectly, exploding right in the middle of the group. The second exploded in his hand. He was sent flying off Maxi, landing against the wall. The little hair he had was singed._

“Keith, Hunk, and Lance, you get to the top of the stairs to witness these two idiots blow themselves up. Everyone, roll initiative.” 

“I got a twenty!” “Twenty three.” “Fuck you Keith.” “Anyways, eighteen.” “I got a fourteen.” “My roll can’t be that bad this time! Fuck, that’s an eight.” 

“Right, so first is Keith, then Pidge, then Hunk, then Allura, then Lance, then the guards.” 

“No matter how badly I roll, I’m still better than the NPCs.” 

“Alright, Keith, what do you do?” 

“I’m going to use a spell slot to cast mage armor, and then I’m going to fire bolt the nearest guard. Does a thirteen hit?” 

“No. These guards are actually wearing armor, unlike the poor chap downstairs.” 

“Damn.” 

_Draxis bound up the stairs, Smokey by his side and Biggs behind them. Gremlin, riding Maxi the Bear, had paved the way ahead of them, and he heard the explosion before he saw it._

_One of Gremlin’s bombs had exploded in between a group of guards, and the other had exploded in his face. Said Gremlin was lying face down on the ground, singed, and really wasn’t looking too hot._

_Draxis swore, stepping to the side of the doorway and muttering an incantation under his breath. Ethereal armor sprung up around him, and he slung a bolt of fire at the guard in the kitchen. It hit the metal chestplate and knocked him back a little bit, but didn’t do anything other than that._

“Alright, Pidge, what do you do?” 

“I’m going to use Caustics on myself, and then as a bonus action I’m going to Hide.” 6. “I heal eight hit points.” 

“Roll for stealth then.” 

“Sixteen.” 

“Yeah, the guards rolled a four, you’re hidden.” 

_Gremlin, on the floor, grinned, pulling out a large goop of sap from his pack and smearing it on his side. He pulled out a match from his tinderbox and lit the sap on fire, searing shut the gash on his side._

_Taking a quick look around him, he rolled, sprinting behind another cabinet._

“Hunk, you’re up.” 

“I’m going to go into a rage, and I’m going to reckless attack the guard in the kitchen with my greataxe.” 6. Reroll. 20. “That’s a nat twenty.” 6. “That’s six, plus five for strength, plus two for rage. Thirteen.” 

“That guard isn’t looking too good.” 

_As Smokey paused in the doorway, Biggs pushed him to the side, flipping up the hood of his bear pelt and running at the guard in the kitchen, greataxe over his head. He brought it down over his head, slashing down the guard’s chest and causing blood to splash everywhere._

“Alright, Allura.” 

“This bear is gonna lumber to the door and start swinging baby.” 11, 17. “Bite is eleven, claws is seventeen.” 

“The first one hits, the second one doesn’t.” 

“How does that even work?” 

“Shut up Lance.” 11. “That’s eleven points of damage.” 

“How are you all so strong?” 

“Cause I’m a fucking bear!” 

_Maxi was kind of pissed at Gremlin, but the more pressing issue were the guards attacking them. She roared, charging at the guard in front of the door with her teeth._

_Unfortunately, the guard dodged. Fortunately, she turned around just enough to maul him with her claws. Unfortunately, this didn’t kill the guard like it did the last one. Fortunately, only a few more smacks of her claws would kill him._

_Satisfied with this plan, Maxi readied her stance._

“Finally, Lance, what do you do?” 

“I’m going to shoot one of the guards next to the card table.” 24. “That’s a twenty four.” 

“How are you guys rolling so high? Whatever, that hits.” 

“Hey, I rolled an eight for initiative, I deserve it.” 4. “That’s four damage.” 

_Smokey, snapping out of the shock of seeing a man in a bear pelt and a bear demolish two people, pulls the bow off his back, aiming for a guard by the card table. He let the arrow fly free, and it skimmed the guard’s calf._

_The guards started to move though. One ran to help with the bear, and the other two ran to Smokey and Dean respectively. The guard in front of Smokey tried to stab him with his rapier, but he managed to dodge just in time._

_Next to him, Dean just barely dodged a rapier. Biggs straight up just knocked a rapier aside with his arm, but Bear-Maxi was jabbed with two of them._

“Out of everyone, I get hit?!” 


End file.
